I have no character.

It's actually rather difficult to make me blow my top, I realised.

While I was waiting for the perpetual late bui to meet me at 8.00am,
she failed to show up as my watch ticked closer and closer to 8.30am.
We were supposed to turn up at 9.00am at HQ, and she wanted to go back to our workplace to get her tag.

I didn't actually feel angry, nor fed up.
It was like, I lost the ability to get angry.
This is unlike the impatient me who might have blew my top when I see her car slowly cruise in at 8.31am.
And she giggled, saying "paiseh har" and drove away when I boarded the vehicle.

I was like, "huh?" like that also can...
Sigh.
Perhaps being late is just her style and I should just adapt to it.
But why should I?
Why should I change my principles/stand because of other people?
It's just happening too frequently.

I get pushed around because of this changed nature of mine.
I remembered that night, while I was on night duty,
a client of mine roared at me.
Because she felt she was mistreated by us.
And she said it was all our fault, because we failed to perform our duty and listened to her when she had someting to voice out, that led her to her present state.
I looked at her coldly at that moment,
and wonder.
Why in the world is she pushing the blame all to others?
Me especially.
What did I do to deserve all that yelling from her?
And I started to think,
did we at some point, fail our duties, and really caused her to be what she is now?
I really wonder.
And somehow, I think we may have.

And so, I didn't do anything about all that yelling, except warn her to cease.
And yes, she did.

Deep into the night, an unexpected visitor also scolded me upside down.
I didn't retaliate again.
and I chose to tell my bosses what happen cos I wanted to "follow the right procedures".
Sigh.

Guess what I was told?
Bo bian loh, not much we can do.
Wah Lau.
I really should reflect man.
I am such a weakling with no character.
Scold me for all you want.
FOC.
I have no backbone anyway.

As for the bui incident,
it's my choice for wanting to take her vehicle loh.
what more can I complain when others are doing me a favour hor?

But the bottomline is, what happened recently just made me think that I have no character loh.
Next time, when u see me,
give me a slap, and I probably won't do anything also.

:(