Illusions that blind your faith

Believe or not,
after bui had told me that I wouldn't get it,
I had gone from feeling angry/pissed/disappointed,
to being accepting/serene about it after 4 months.
Had even prepared myself to face the reactions/sarcasm of others who intend to ridicule me.

I had accepted that I still am not good enough.

It took some time(a long time, i think, if you look at the past entries :P)
for me to cool off and accept it.

Not because I yearn for that promotion,
but because then, I felt like I've lost.
Lost to someone in particular.
And it made me disappointed back then.

Somehow, I managed to overcome the disappointment bit by bit,
and it helped to focus back on why I was in the job.
And getting the promotion or not,
truly, it didn't matter that much already.

You may say that I'm just saying all this because I already got it.

Well, it's up to you to believe whatever you think.

I do not deny the triumphant feeling,
but it only lasted like a minute.

It brought me thinking about why I wanted it so much in the first place.

And I already have that answer long ago.

I probably do not deserve such a recognition if I look back at what I have done last year,
and why I wanted it so much in the first place.
Because it was all my 虚荣心 at work.
It was not because I was working towards a cause which I ought to.

There are others who really work for the correct cause and deserved it better.

What I've learnt in this journey,
I'll remember for life.
For it brought me back to why I chose this job.

To those who did not get the promotion this year,
do not be disheartened.
Because, all these are really just illusions.

Those with the aptitude and passion,
may not have gotten the so-called due recognition.
And some of those who were promoted,
may just be a passenger of others' hard work.

And remember,
it is all just an illusion.

At the end of the day,
You remained in this job,
because you are working towards a cause you faithfully believe in.